Canada's soccer mom superstars returned to the fray with their sixth studio album in 2008. Chad Kroeger and company provide another set of misogynistic quasi-metal that really makes one ashamed to be the same country as these a**holes. Let's look at this coaster of an album and try to see if there are any redeeming qualities to this "Mutt" Lange produced sludgy "cowboy metal" mess.
Nickelback has the lyrical depth of a 14-year old boy; and the songs alternate from songs about fellatio "Something In Your Mouth" to songs about feeling like somebody "Gotta Be Somebody". Nickelback has also been known to tell sordid tales of the drink, and "Burn It To The Ground" continues Kroeger's exploration of whiskey, tequila, and the joys of getting wasted, so much so that you "Burn It To The Ground", I am sure metaphorically of course. Kroeger loves to show his sensitive side (have you seen his hair?) and "I'd Come For You" provides the perfect accompaniment for riding in a elevator. The song is the sappiest piece of schlock I have ever heard. It is as if Nickelback envisioned a horribly tasteless wedding as their muse. "Next Go Round" is an improvement, although it sticks sucks hard. What is the song about? Sex of course. At this point of the album I was genuinely concerned about Kroeger's sexual intentions, as his lyrics suggest someone with deep-seated sexual addictions in a way that is truly creepy. "Just To Get High" seems to be about a woman who has hurt Kroeger in some way, but at this point who really cares. The song has a decent guitar solo, and shows that the band does in fact have some chops. The band again jumps in acoustic mode again for "Never Gonna Be Alone". The country sounding ballad is another sappy wedding song, and is the musical equivalent of a slide show of your least favorite cousin during their horribly cheesy wedding (to use a metaphor!). Utterly horrendous in every sense of the word.
"Shakin' Hands" really seems to target the titty flashing, Corona hat wearing, market that Nickelback calls its fan base. The song is about a prostitute (shocker!!!) who seems to get around with numerous male companions in high places. It was here where I wondered if this was a concept album of sorts. The song is horrible, although it might provide a half-decent background for an exotic dancer's set (something Kroeger has likely witnessed). The continues the "deep" exploration of Sex with the appropriately titled, "S.E.X.". I am not sure what the acronym stands for, and I really don't care. Hostility set in at this point of my listen, and I started to crave a shower. Popular single "If Today Was Your Last Day" is next, the song is a typical Nickelback single with boring acoustics and sappy moaning about the meaning of life in the face of mortality. The song is really a soundtrack to grocery shopping, and employees of these stores should receive counseling for PTSD after repeated listens that they are subjected to daily. The album closes with "This Afternoon", a song about "hanging out", doing what Nickelback does during their time off. This of course entails partying hard and looking for women to penetrate. The song shows Kroeger's appeal to the common man by name checking CCR (they don't deserve that Chad!) and mentioning some difficulties paying the rent (as if!). The song is atrocious, and easily the most cliche song I have ever heard.
"Dark Horse" is horrible, it is beyond horrible, it is offensive. The fact that Nickelback are extremely popular and sell millions of copies is the truly scary thing. The caveman lyrics and horribly tame acoustic numbers combine with the very murky "cowboy metal" songs to produce what I can only describe as the musical equivalent of manure. In conclusion, "Dark Horse" is just what it says, the brownish/black excrement of a farm animal. Avoid this at all costs unless your idea of fun is shooting bears dressed in BVD underwear while sexually assaulting women.
Rating-0/10
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